“Welcome to Mexico City. There are 5 rules you most obey to make this a memorable visit for you. Uno: You will be at your hostel soon, because I drive fast. Muy fast. But you cannot make any Speedy Gonzales jokes. I mean this. The last man to break this rule lost a kidney. Dos: Any tequila you plan on drinking in the next 30 minutes must be shared with me. In fact, why don’t you just give me any tequila you have now, and I will tell you if it’s good or not. Tres: Do not get into a drinking competition with a Mexican. You will lose. Cuatro: Learn in español the words for toilet (baños), more beer (más cerveza), and I like your moustache (Me gusta el bigote) – and you will be fine. Cinco: Here is my card, don’t forget to call me when you need to go back to the airport.”
I’d been in the country for only 5 minutes, and knew straight away I was going to love it.
I could wax lyrical about Mexico City, but I’ll spare you an overuse of adjectives. Vibrant is the best way to describe this place, the largest metropolitan area in the Americas, home to over 23 million people.
There are 16 districts or delegaciones that make up Mexico City, all built around the Centro Historico, home to the Zocalo – the 3rd largest square in the world.
A few misconceptions that need to be cleared up;
Sure, it’s polluted. But what city this size isn’t? Mexico City sits in a plateau and as such gets smoggy. But it’s certainly livable and comparable to Los Angeles, and is much cleaner than Bangkok or any city in China. There was an incident in the 80’s where birds fell dead from the skies, but it seems the government took that as a warning and have since cleaned up their act, and the air.
You won’t get mugged. Well, probably not. I found Mexican’s to be some of the nicest people I’ve ever had the fortune of meeting, and not once did I feel unsafe in Mexico City (There was one incident with a guy plying us with nachos and trying to sell us pot, He was agitated and kept looking outside the bar to where there were some policia conspicuously standing around, seemingly waiting to nab some Gringo’s for possession, so we politely declined. Good nachos though). As Chuck Thompson wrote in his book ‘To Hell Holes and Back’;
“Being stood up by Mad Max (to score coke) is the only outright act of discourtesy I experienced in Mexico City”
In fact, Mexico doesn’t even get a mention in the listverse.com Top 10 most dangerous places on earth, and Antarctica comes in at number 6. So there you go, safer than Antarctica. Obviously if you’re strolling around the districts of Tepito or Iztapalapa Sporting a Rolex or fiddling with your iPhone, you might have a different experience.
The food is awesome. Not once did I get sick of or from eating tamales, Quesadillas, Sopa de tortilla, taquitos or tacos. The only time I had a standing date with the porcelain in Mexico City was as after a sojourn in Havana. You know what’s good for Cuban food based tummy upsets? Tequila. Kills everything.
Mexican food is very meat based, but there’s still heaps of variety for a vegetarian, and if you’re a fishacrit (aquatarian, pescatarian etc) hit the coasts for a mean Pulpo Diablo. Still, I’d steer clear of the ‘Pesca del dia’ in Mexico city – the closest beach is 500km away.
The coolest thing about food in Mexico City? McDonald’s have self-service jalapeños.
A few things you can’t leave Mexico City without doing:
Witness the battle of the Mariachi Bands at Paza Garibaldi. Sit at a makeshift bar, downing margaritas and Negra medelo cervezas while being serenaded by some of the loudest singers you’ve ever heard, for a few pesos a song. Your ears will be ringing by the end of the night, but you might get asked to join in on a verse of La Cucaracha, guaranteed to be the most fun you’ve had in ages.
- Frida Khalo Museum
Stop by for a pot of tea at Frida Kahlo’s house. You can’t miss it, it’s the giant blue building with hundred’s of people queuing outside. Once you’re inside though, you don’t seem to notice the crowds as you idly walk through the rooms, checking out paintings, Diego Rivera’s murals, and the bed that Frida was confined to for over a year; right where she first started her self portraits while recovering from a horrific bus accident. It’s a beautiful house with a large courtyard that has been painstakingly restored and maintained as it was 60 years ago. In the courtyard is a small café where you can grab a cup of tea and cake, served on plates emblazoned with Frida’s mono-browed image, along with a heap of other Frida y Diego memorabilia.
- Xochimilco Floating Market
Drift down the Xochimilco floating markets. You know it’s going to be a great tour when your guide stops to pick up an esky full of corona’s. The Xochimilco floating market boats are painted in incredibly bright colours, the procession is very slow, with traffic congestion that borders on insanity, but hey, it’s not your problem. Take the opportunity to relax, drink a beer, and eat what ever is on offer from the old ladies that plow into the side of your boat.
Run up the Teotihuacán Pyramids. The 3rd largest pyramid in the world is the Pyramid of the Sun, at Teotihuacán. A lot of people run up the steep steps of the pyramid, if only to get away from the touts at the base. Still, once you’re at the top (or as high as your guide will allow) it’s a breathtaking view. Once you have your breath back, it’s time for another dash through the maze of souvenir sellers along the calle de los muertos (street of the dead) to get to the Pyramid of the moon. Bring Ventolin.
Fill up on Mezcal. Or tequila for that matter. Infact, if you’re super adventurous there is a train that takes you from Guadalajara (the second largest town in Mexico) all the way to the town of Tequila, in the north. But I’m the sort of guy that would watch the tennis on TV instead of going to see it at the arena, so you can imagine I’d also subscribe to the mantra of ‘fuck it, there’s perfectly good tequila, right here in Mexico City.’ I was not disappointed. A lot of bars I’d frequented in Centro Historico and Roma Condesa (two neighboring delegaciones known for art deco buildings, great restaurants and über grungy- cool drinking establishments) have over 130 types of Tequila and Mezcal, quickly resulting in a messy, and expensive night. (Rule of thumb, if the tequila bottle has the brand name plastered in gold, it’s most definitely more expensive than you can afford. It’s good to learn from past mistakes.)
I’ll be heading back to Mexico City in the new year. It’s such an exciting city to be in, the festivity of the city is palpable. So forget what you’ve heard. Just go. You won’t be disappointed. But maybe lay off the Speedy Gonzales jokes.
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